Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

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I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have complete contempt for fakery

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What sets porcini mushrooms apart from other types of mushrooms, such as button mushrooms?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

How do scientists behave?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Why do I sweat so much? I’m 17 but I feel like I always need to re-apply deodorant and I am always self-conscious that I smell because I feel sweat under my arms.

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I can read

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I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

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I actually pay taxes

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I see through liars

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t buy bullshit

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I can count